Well I can't believe it but I am in the final day before the big show!!! I can't believe it is already here! For some reason I've been very emotional this week, more than normal ;). But I have such mixed feelings. It feels like anxiety and fear all in one big pit in my stomach. Part of the feeling is that I've worked so hard and it is going to go by so fast I want live in every moment tomorrow.
Luckily it won't be over for too long, because starting back Monday I will be back on the plans to continue my training because I will be competing again, and soon!!!
The last couple of weeks before a competition are no joke, I will not lie! Train hard, work hard, and pushing limits are all things I've heard over the last few weeks. I had a lot of anxiety starting in my final two weeks, just fear built up and feeling like I haven't had enough time. I put a lot of pressure on myself which doesn't help, and I'm learning to let go and just breathe. Something I'm usually not good at.
I made a decision last week, that was probably one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. I had been stressing about my full time accelerated school program and my full time job, part time job and the full time training that I've been putting myself through. I decided that I was spreading myself way too thin and something had to give. I was in tears almost every night just sick with anxiety and worry and knew it was time to make the decision to let something go. My last day at Life Time was this past Saturday, and while I'm thankful because I will still be working out there and seeing everyone, it was a hard but great decision. That same day I decided on my schedule for school with all of my classes planned out until graduation May 2014!! I will be a Baker Graduate?! No way!! With these decisions, I definitely felt a lot of pressure leaving which was great, because I was really able to focus this last week on kicking butt in the gym for my last set of workouts!
I've looked back at the progress I've made and I'm so happy and thankful for the amazing results!! You never realize how good you can feel until you can reach certain goals. The best part about competing is I can always set a goal, things change so much in your body and perfection will never be achieved but certain goals will be.
With a very busy day ahead, I'm off to pose, check in, 1st set of tan, make some goodies for the other competitors and competitor check ins - I'm sure today will go by fast! Tomorrow will be here before I know it and I will be stepping on stage for the first time! Ready to kill!!
Big shout outs to my biggest supporters an those who have kept me sane!! Love you all, thanks for being there through the meltdowns, helping me resist the extra almonds, or just being there!! Don't worry I'll post some pics soon!
Friday, April 26, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Fortitude
Well I'm a little under three weeks out and guess what, just like all the previous weeks, I still feel great! The title of my blog post today, seemed fitting. I have contemplated getting another tattoo for a few years now and I could never pinpoint what I wanted. The other day after a few searches on the word strength and looking up synonyms for that, I came across the word, "Fortitude." I was instantly drawn to this word. I looked up the definition and it couldn't fit any more better with everything. The definition is, "strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage." Soooo my plans for some new ink will be right around beginning of May and I'm super excited!!!
So for the last few weeks I've been really kicking it into gear as far as practicing on my posing! It isn't as easy as everyone thinks! And then on top of that you have to remember you're going to be half naked on stage!? Luckily with the help of an amazing coach I've gotten some great tips and tricks.
I got my new workouts beginning of April for the every week until the competition! I'm so excited, and again with the best coach, it changes EVERY WEEK! Talk about no boredom!! I was a little nervous at first, knowing that my cardio was going back to two a days with weights at night, kind of how it was in the beginning stages. But then I remember that I have changed so much in 8 weeks and I have gotten so much stronger, so I know I will be able to kick butt in these last few weeks of workouts!
We started a new diet plan for our three weeks out today and I have to say I'm going to miss the morning pancake!!!! I loved loved loved the pancakes that we had in the morning the last few weeks, but look forward to eating them after the competition!!
I'm almost at the last leg of the journey it seems and at the same time sometimes I feel as though I've just begun. I've had a few more mental breakdowns within the last few weeks. Mainly because I know I can do it and my competition with myself seems to push me more than anything. I have snapped a few times, and sometimes just want to break down and cry, mostly because a sense of overwhelming fear comes over me, but it soon subsides!
I think the hardest part now has become the cravings that I have had. I want to swim in a vat of pink icing, and eat an entire jar of peanut butter with oreos!! :) YUM. It is also very mentally challenging hearing about food or constantly having people talk about food. It is amazing to me that something as little as a meal or food could mentally break you down so much! It is really strange that the little foods that you never think about when you're not dieting, you can't stop thinking about when you are! For example a PB&J I would die for one right now!! Or a piece of cheese!!
I have had a few people ask me some questions, so I'll just post here:
1) What am I looking forward to eating after the show?
I'll make a simple list although it probably could go on forever:
- 5 Guys Cheeseburger
- Birthday Cake Oreos (I'm not a fan of oreos, but since I saw them posted I want one real bad!!!)
- Cupcake
- Gardettos
-A Glass of wine!!!
That's a simple list, for now I'll stick to googling and "pinning" yummy food!!
I haven't made a full commitment yet, but there is a competition about 5 weeks after my show that I'm strongly considering. Muscle Mayhem is June 1st at the Overland Park Convention Center. It is a larger stage in a much larger venue. I figure I'll only be about 5 weeks away from that once I do mine, what is 5 more weeks?! It will definitely be a decision I'll weigh on after I compete this time! This has been a huge time and money investment and I'm so glad that I've chosen to invest in myself and make the choices that I have made on this journey! Now just to keep on pushing on these last few weeks!!!
So for the last few weeks I've been really kicking it into gear as far as practicing on my posing! It isn't as easy as everyone thinks! And then on top of that you have to remember you're going to be half naked on stage!? Luckily with the help of an amazing coach I've gotten some great tips and tricks.I got my new workouts beginning of April for the every week until the competition! I'm so excited, and again with the best coach, it changes EVERY WEEK! Talk about no boredom!! I was a little nervous at first, knowing that my cardio was going back to two a days with weights at night, kind of how it was in the beginning stages. But then I remember that I have changed so much in 8 weeks and I have gotten so much stronger, so I know I will be able to kick butt in these last few weeks of workouts!
We started a new diet plan for our three weeks out today and I have to say I'm going to miss the morning pancake!!!! I loved loved loved the pancakes that we had in the morning the last few weeks, but look forward to eating them after the competition!!
I'm almost at the last leg of the journey it seems and at the same time sometimes I feel as though I've just begun. I've had a few more mental breakdowns within the last few weeks. Mainly because I know I can do it and my competition with myself seems to push me more than anything. I have snapped a few times, and sometimes just want to break down and cry, mostly because a sense of overwhelming fear comes over me, but it soon subsides!I think the hardest part now has become the cravings that I have had. I want to swim in a vat of pink icing, and eat an entire jar of peanut butter with oreos!! :) YUM. It is also very mentally challenging hearing about food or constantly having people talk about food. It is amazing to me that something as little as a meal or food could mentally break you down so much! It is really strange that the little foods that you never think about when you're not dieting, you can't stop thinking about when you are! For example a PB&J I would die for one right now!! Or a piece of cheese!!
I have had a few people ask me some questions, so I'll just post here:
1) What am I looking forward to eating after the show?
I'll make a simple list although it probably could go on forever:
- 5 Guys Cheeseburger
- Birthday Cake Oreos (I'm not a fan of oreos, but since I saw them posted I want one real bad!!!)
- Cupcake
- Gardettos
-A Glass of wine!!!
That's a simple list, for now I'll stick to googling and "pinning" yummy food!!
I haven't made a full commitment yet, but there is a competition about 5 weeks after my show that I'm strongly considering. Muscle Mayhem is June 1st at the Overland Park Convention Center. It is a larger stage in a much larger venue. I figure I'll only be about 5 weeks away from that once I do mine, what is 5 more weeks?! It will definitely be a decision I'll weigh on after I compete this time! This has been a huge time and money investment and I'm so glad that I've chosen to invest in myself and make the choices that I have made on this journey! Now just to keep on pushing on these last few weeks!!!
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