My stork has a Jet Engine?!

I was a baby, just shy of 5 months old when I first landed in America to two loving parents who were ready to care for their newest addition.  There are many stories that my parents and family have told me about the first time they met their bundle of joy.  I always joke that a really big stork did end up dropping me off.  My family, including many aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins, opened their hearts and were ready for my parent’s journey of caring for this new little girl.  Growing up I never will forget the long summers spent with my cousins at grandma’s house.  Never being treated any different, I was special to each of them, not because I was adopted but because I was a part of the family.   

It was about first grade when I started to become educated on being adopted.  My parents never kept it a secret from me, and the journey I've been on along the way I have learned so much about my culture.  My parents gave me opportunity something that I’m unsure if I would have had in Korea.  Especially with the stories I've heard, back then babies were abandoned at hospitals on steps of police stations, with no safety at all.

There were many times that I felt different or not normal, but growing through that I've realized so much that being different is “normal” and I’m okay with it.  It is a part of growing up that many children face. Sure my skin is a different color and the squint to my eyes may not be average, but it makes me who I am, and my family looked past any of that and loved me regardless. 

There are many things that I've looked back over the course of my life that I realize that I would not have been able to have if I were not blessed by being adopted; the smallest things like food, clothes, and what some call the American Dream, “Freedom,” things that many of us here in America don’t realize and may take for granted.  I was lucky enough that someone wanted me, that a family wanted me. I wasn't going to die early from malnutrition or not have the proper education that I needed. 

In September 2011, the United States District Court for the District of Kansas celebrated its 150^th anniversary.  I had been contacted by an archivist with the District Court because they were going to be putting together a program, a permanent piece of history in the Downtown Kansas City Courthouse.  I was asked several questions for their video, and I remember the lady that was being interviewed before me, the question that rang through and has stuck with me; what is your American Dream?  Her answer struck me, because it was something so simple; Freedom. I have been asked that question and I’m sure many of us in America don’t even realize that something as simple as that could be someone’s dream, because we have been lucky.  I never thought about an answer to that question, my dream growing up wasn’t whether I would survive or have freedom; my dream was having the nice car, the big house, a family, and success.  This was so materialistic in comparison.  It really opened my eyes, I wasn’t just lucky, I was blessed because I had parents who wanted me and chose me.  

My goals here are different then what they may have been in Korea.  I have been able to go to school and further my education, I have been able to work at a job where I can show my compassion and my love and pass along my gifts to others.  It is amazing the small things that we, me included take for granted at times.  Without the choice of adoption, I would not be here and that is a fact.  I wouldn’t have the right to choose, I wouldn’t have felt love the way I have today, I would not be the person I am today and for that I am thankful.  

I've contemplated in the last year finding my birth parents, and I know the road will be a long one with many twists and turns but sometimes you can never figure out where you are going unless you know where you are from.  I have always wondered looking up at the sky at night, does she think of me, or wonder how I am doing? My biggest fear is if she even remembers me. With the support of my loved ones, I know it will be a great reward and worth the risk!

The journey of imperfection

I've never been the athletic girl, one who played sports, one who was confident to even try out.  Working out was something I knew nothing about, especially since I had never had the courage to even step foot in a gym.  By the time I was 20 I was living in Lawrence, where like every college town, nightly binges of eating and drinking were normal.  The late night runs to Taco Bell and Pizza with the side of trays of shots, would finally catch up to me.  Education on diet and exercise was never something I was up to par with either.  I never considered myself someone who had an issue with weight, however there were many times on occasion where I found I was an emotional eater and found ways to "rid" my body of the high caloric intakes I had put my body through.


After I moved out of Lawrence, I realized that my lifestyle needed a change and a big one at that.  


I started running, although I would get winded after a quick jog down the block, I had to push myself.  I finally went to a gym, still with not very much knowledge of what I was doing, I was determined.  I started learning exercises as best that I could. Learning that lifting weights were part of something that I would need to do to lean out my body as well as help with getting me on track.


I had a few set backs though one in particular triggered an emotional eating phase. With lots of emotional drinking as well, it was easier to drink away any pain and find some comfort in food.  I had reached a breaking point, I remember that morning I stepped on the scale and the number I saw was the motivation I needed to push through this phase in my life.  A week later I decided to get back in the flow of working out by joining a new gym maybe this was the motivation I needed even more.  I started getting a routine, work out in the morning, maybe some at night, but it wasn't enough.  Working out was only part of it, and I soon realized after I was hitting plateaus of weight and energy losses.  I had to work on my diet.  Although with  the food struggles I had before I knew this was going to be a bigger challenge.  


Within the last year I feel like I started coming into the real knowledge of food, diet and exercise.  Learning so much about my body's needs for energy and using that energy as a guide for my exercise.  I started taking classes at my gym which was a great feeling, meeting people who have the same goals as myself and desires to maintain a healthy life is always so positive.  I have my bad days, where I still struggle with food and my desires for certain cravings, it is still a battle within myself and with the choices I know I can make that are unhealthy.  I know that my frustrations show sometimes and that only fuels the fire within me.   


With a love for running however, the fire drove me to sign up for my first 5k.  Although running on the treadmill is what I had done for fun, I decided to take it to the streets and run outside, and what better way to start out then a fun run.  Next weekend, I will make a very exciting trip to Chicago with my best friend where we will run in the Color Run! Very exciting for both of us, I can not wait! This run, just one of many that I can't wait to continue to do....possibly a half marathon next, add it to bucket list! :)

The change that I wanted in the beginning was more of a physical change but I've realized it has been a mental change as well.  With exercise I realized the positive mentality on my mindset and how it made me feel afterward.   I still go to the gym on a very regular basis. I love going to the classes, especially one of my favorites, Strike! The diet, a word I don't really like, isn't a diet at all, it is a choice of eating healthy that I strive to keep steady with a few cheats here and there. I'm blessed with a great boyfriend who helps keep my motivation high, even lets me cheat with some Starbucks here and there ;)! I'm thankful for the great friends who instead of persuading me into guilty pleasures and cravings are also there to motivate and keep the positive energy flowing. I know that loving myself is an ultimate goal, realizing that flaws aren't physical imperfections but beauty of being different. 

I ♥ Cooking

Last night decided to try something new...Stuffed pork-chops...sounded good!

Ingredients:

Spinach

Mushrooms

Garlic

Olive Oil

White Wine

Thick cut pork chops

Parsley

Parmesan

Bread crumbs

Sautee garlic in olive oil, add the mushrooms and white wine, sautee until tender, then add the spinach. Combine this with the bread crumbs and parmesan and parsley. Cut a slit in the pork chop and stuff!

Pan sear for about 4 minutes per side and then bake at 450 for another 8-10 or until fully cooked! Super easy and TASTY!! :)

Just another day...

At some point in my life, I'm guess I will own up to the fact that I'm learning.....Learning part of that growing up part of life that I'm not sure I will ever realize is happening. For now I'll own up to the responsibility of accepting my flaws and my mistakes. I've made some real doozies over the past few years, but my growth from them is what I am truly learning to value.

I've learned some very important things, that are continuing to make me grow. Yes my insecurities and sometimes my fear holds me back, but I have to stand up to them. The fear itself may hold me back from opportunity and I'm a go-getter and can't let that happen. My worries and doubt have been slowly silenced by my trust. And for those that know me know that that is one of the hardest things that I've had to overcome, yes the worry does rear its ugly side, I have to learn the past is the past. Learn from it!

Although at some of my barriers I try to run away because its is the easy path to travel, it is not necessarily a road worth taking. My obstacle that I've faced is learning to let go, be free and jump... but lately I feel I've chosen the right road, afraid to fly, but worth the jump. After I didn't think I would ever get back into school, I did it and my first semester back although not the best, My GPA was a 3.0, higher than it was when I quit school back 5 years ago. So proud yes, however knowing I can do better is what keeps my drive. Can't let the fear of striking out, keep me from playing the game.

Monday I started a new diet...part of this whole new me. Although it is probably not going to last long, I'll be positive, and try to stick with it as long as I can. I want to have a healthier lifestyle and for the most part I do lead a pretty decent one. Hitting the gym at least 4-6 times a week keeps my motivation high!

Can't being to express how excited for the changes to come!

A College Edu-macation

After recently stalking a friend's facebook status, it was very interesting the argument that was going on back and forth between comments.... The background of the status was about how certain people only think or talk about sex and if you are a guy that only thinks with your dick and not your brain to keep walking. Now that is a completely other subject for sure. One of the comments was very interesting to me, which kind of sent a fire through me:

This girl commented:

"I suppose if you were spending your Friday nights studying at the school of engineering or school of medicine, you would meet an entirely different class of people and *maybe* some men with brains and an interest in a woman as a person. "

Now this is what kind of hit me. First how is that in any relation to the actual subject of the status to begin with...I guess for this person maybe the more educated individual is what strikes this person's fancy. I guess this soap box for me was not one that I wanted to stand on. I am not the kind of person that judges other's based on their education, their fame or fortune. For everyone to me is just a person, that craps and still stinks! Another funny aspect of this status to me, is the school where you need to study, not only do you need to be educated but you need to be studying engineering or medicine.... Now I have no college degree, however I think that I have a pretty amazing brain. I know many individuals out there without college degrees, that have made it and are making it with goals and structure in their life. I guess this comment, really hit me that judgement is passed. Summing up her comment I guess if you aren't in a school where you are going to a prospective leader making large sums of money than you aren't in a "good" social class or hanging out with guys with brains.

What a joke...I guess I will be with the rest of the social class that isn't with my nose in a book, but experiencing life on a Friday night instead of studying it up....judge me as you may.

A New day...

So out of my daily routine, that I have somewhat adapted to over the last few months, a wrench was thrown in there.... It is amazing how comfortable you get to the every day life that you lead that sometimes along the way you lose sight of the fact that things change and when they do it is crazy how we adapt to the new change.

This week, even though a short week, brought about a New Year and some major changes in my life. Although just like everyone else, I have created a New year's Resolution, I am having the hardest time sticking to it. My sailor mouth is something I'm trying my hardest to get rid of!! And although it becomes an even bigger challenge especially when I'm a crazy KU Basketball fan and conference play started this week!

So my new New Year's Resolution at this point, is to set some amazing life goals. After recent talks with a very close friend, she has come up with an amazing idea a Life Book, which I can't wait to start....full of my ideas and goals and motivations for myself....Each year or every few months I'm going to update it. My next challenge I plan to do this month....conquering the tornado of a room in my apartment, aka my CLOSET! I really want to start organizing my closet and getting rid and purging JUNK!!!! So my newest long term goal....Getting my masters by the time I'm 30! I finally found the program that I'm so pumped and ready to start! Bachelors in a few and masters after that! I can't wait!!!

There were changes that have happened this week and although small it is crazy how much they effect my life. It is a huge thing for me at least when you let someone into your life and realize that you have to let your guard down and after a few months I feel as though I've conquered this test. Choosing to not only care about someone else but also caring about myself as well...letting myself be happy, and although this month is only off to a start, I know it is going to fly by and can't wait to see what changes are just around the corner! In past few months I wouldn't even call it lucky as much as now I call it blessed. :-) You can't be afraid to fall...when you can always get back up and try again.