Found this from my friend Jheri - Thought this could be interesting, stay tuned :)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
30 Day Blog?? Hmmm
Found this from my friend Jheri - Thought this could be interesting, stay tuned :)
Day 01 Your Current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.1
Day 01 Your Current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
My current relationship, with whom? I guess I will start with the most important relationship to me, and that is with God. My relationship with God definitely grown over the years. I have to say that within the past year I definitely had an epiphany of re-finding God in my life and I owe a lot of that thanks to my best friend, who got me back in the rhythm of going to church and prayer. This is something that I don't think I've ever publicly admitted, but I definitely lost sight of God, and was angry with him. After my grandma passed away, anger was one of the top emotions that I felt. (that is a whole other blog that will come later) I blamed him for taking her and even though yes, she lived a life that was full and happy, it was the hardest thing that I have dealt with, losing someone that I called my best friend and having God take her, I couldn't feel anything but anger toward him. Now that it has been 2 years since she passed away, I have definitely repaired my relationship with God. It has been a long battle to get where I am at today and fully thank him for all of my blessings. Someone once told me when I was going through a time of struggles, (that has stuck with me) God will always be there if you believe he will, it is the devil that sidetracks you with negative and it is whether you can get past the struggles and still believe that God is by your side.
So my friendship (relationships)...that is a very interesting subject, especially this week. I'm not going to lie I have struggled with friendships, and it has been brought to my attention on several occasions, not because I'm not a good actually great friend, but because I am just that. I am constantly there for people, not matter what, no matter the time of day, I have always been there. I guess been the one that people have relied on. I have realized that I give in and trust fairly easily which sometimes has not been to my benefit except for the hurt of betrayal. I do have my close friends and love them more than anything. I have a great "sis" that I don't know if she will ever know how much she has meant to me in this world! No matter the fights, she has definitely been the rock behind my smile on the bad days! I have the best friends that we have definitely lived life to the fullest on some nights, that will always be a memory and ones that we will never be able to replicate, but so glad that they were a part of that time of my life. I'm more than thankful for those relationships that have been a chapter or even a part of a chapter in my life.
My current relationship status...Single, I guess we can conquer this subject now :)
So it has been a long 7 years to say the least, but yet at the same time, VERY FUN! Would I say that I was fully single this whole time, I guess it would depend on your definition. By mine, yes, have I dated, of course, however really been in a "real"ationship, No. Am I okay with this, ehhh there are days that have made me wonder, am I going to be alone for the rest of my life, but who am I to judge fate. I have definitely lived the past 7 years with no regrets in this department... It always makes me think of that quote "You have to meet a few wrong people, just to meet the right one," Which I'm pretty sure that holds true, I have always said this, you can't tell what you want, when you don't know what your choices are. You start with a blank canvas of what you would want out of someone, a person may come along and show you what you may think is what you want, however they may just hold certain qualities, these get painted on this canvas, and after awhile you come to realize that your picture is pretty much complete, that you know what you want in someone. Am I at that point in my life, I can't say for sure. Is it the commitment that I'm scared of well probably, but if you aren't scared then you are paying attention in life. I mean there are definite days where being alone has its perks, but I think the others outweigh these days where you just want to share something with that one person you know will care... But for now, single is how I am and being ready to commit, well I don't think anyone is ever ready for it, it just happens when it's supposed to :)
My current relationship, with whom? I guess I will start with the most important relationship to me, and that is with God. My relationship with God definitely grown over the years. I have to say that within the past year I definitely had an epiphany of re-finding God in my life and I owe a lot of that thanks to my best friend, who got me back in the rhythm of going to church and prayer. This is something that I don't think I've ever publicly admitted, but I definitely lost sight of God, and was angry with him. After my grandma passed away, anger was one of the top emotions that I felt. (that is a whole other blog that will come later) I blamed him for taking her and even though yes, she lived a life that was full and happy, it was the hardest thing that I have dealt with, losing someone that I called my best friend and having God take her, I couldn't feel anything but anger toward him. Now that it has been 2 years since she passed away, I have definitely repaired my relationship with God. It has been a long battle to get where I am at today and fully thank him for all of my blessings. Someone once told me when I was going through a time of struggles, (that has stuck with me) God will always be there if you believe he will, it is the devil that sidetracks you with negative and it is whether you can get past the struggles and still believe that God is by your side.
So my friendship (relationships)...that is a very interesting subject, especially this week. I'm not going to lie I have struggled with friendships, and it has been brought to my attention on several occasions, not because I'm not a good actually great friend, but because I am just that. I am constantly there for people, not matter what, no matter the time of day, I have always been there. I guess been the one that people have relied on. I have realized that I give in and trust fairly easily which sometimes has not been to my benefit except for the hurt of betrayal. I do have my close friends and love them more than anything. I have a great "sis" that I don't know if she will ever know how much she has meant to me in this world! No matter the fights, she has definitely been the rock behind my smile on the bad days! I have the best friends that we have definitely lived life to the fullest on some nights, that will always be a memory and ones that we will never be able to replicate, but so glad that they were a part of that time of my life. I'm more than thankful for those relationships that have been a chapter or even a part of a chapter in my life.
My current relationship status...Single, I guess we can conquer this subject now :)
So it has been a long 7 years to say the least, but yet at the same time, VERY FUN! Would I say that I was fully single this whole time, I guess it would depend on your definition. By mine, yes, have I dated, of course, however really been in a "real"ationship, No. Am I okay with this, ehhh there are days that have made me wonder, am I going to be alone for the rest of my life, but who am I to judge fate. I have definitely lived the past 7 years with no regrets in this department... It always makes me think of that quote "You have to meet a few wrong people, just to meet the right one," Which I'm pretty sure that holds true, I have always said this, you can't tell what you want, when you don't know what your choices are. You start with a blank canvas of what you would want out of someone, a person may come along and show you what you may think is what you want, however they may just hold certain qualities, these get painted on this canvas, and after awhile you come to realize that your picture is pretty much complete, that you know what you want in someone. Am I at that point in my life, I can't say for sure. Is it the commitment that I'm scared of well probably, but if you aren't scared then you are paying attention in life. I mean there are definite days where being alone has its perks, but I think the others outweigh these days where you just want to share something with that one person you know will care... But for now, single is how I am and being ready to commit, well I don't think anyone is ever ready for it, it just happens when it's supposed to :)
Friday, July 1, 2011
Vacation never felt so good!
Who knew that a vacation could change me, and some may say for the worse, some will say it was the best thing for me. I never realized what getting out of the midwest could do for a person until I hopped on a plane and went to Vegas.
I got to Vegas on Thursday night about 800pm, and it was HOT! But not like stepping into KC that weekend. Steph aka my sis picked me up from the airport and I was sooooo excited to be there! After driving around for awhile, we ended up back at her Condo, which was TO DIE FOR~Amazing! Just off the strip and settled into her place for a FUN weekend that was I was definitely ready for! We went to Tryst Thursday night and had a blast, up until the sun came up Friday! Wet Rupublic Friday was another blast. I realized there that I didn't have to be a door mat anymore that there was more to life then just bending over backward for people that are not appreciative of it.
Friday night and Saturday were pretty mellow, and Sunday I was heading back home, not excited about it, If I had a choice I would have stayed as long as possible. I decided after crying in the airport after leaving my Sister, that this was it, that I want this so bad! After boarding the plane I decided first thing I'm going to do....Apply for jobs, Vegas was not just going to be my playground, it was going to be place or residence SOON!
I got back to Kansas with a whole new it felt like. Like as long as I know that there is better out there, that I know I have a goal to reach for. Somoene told me that I came back from Vegas on some new "shit" my understanding I guess I did...and as bad as it may be or as good as it may be I'm just being the new me.
My goal is to be in Vegas by October...but it is definitely going to be a long journey! I am moving the end of this month to sublease a friends apartment and her lease is up October 17th....aka D-Day....I've applied to several different things, and definitely keeping my options open. I definitely love kansas city and will always call it my home, but I realized that this is all we get one life...to find out who we are :)
Monday, June 6, 2011
Could not come soon enough!
I guess I've been holding back on my blogging, let's not pretend that I'm an innocent princess, cause Lord knows if you really know me, you know I'm a mistake maker and a learner from them....
I'm going to VEGAS! I have the best sister in the whole world and it was a great surprise on Friday morning to work to have an e-mail with a flight itinerary to VEGAS! I leave Thursday night after work and get in right before dinner! I'm so pumped...first vacation will be the best! I haven't seen my sis in almost a year and it can't come at a perfect time!
I'm going to VEGAS! I have the best sister in the whole world and it was a great surprise on Friday morning to work to have an e-mail with a flight itinerary to VEGAS! I leave Thursday night after work and get in right before dinner! I'm so pumped...first vacation will be the best! I haven't seen my sis in almost a year and it can't come at a perfect time!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Rollercoaster
Lately I feel like that I've masked my emotions for some kind of acceptance. It is hard to live in a world that is full of nothing but materials...that give us some satisfaction of partial happiness. I need to work on a lot...and I've realized that my relationship with the most important person in my life has suffered. I need to get back in to my mode of church and God, because that is the most important thing in life. Trying to understand why I do the things I do is so complicated, and sometimes even sitting in thought I never understand. I have come to realize after talking with a good friend yesterday, you can't hold grudges, no bad blood between anyone, because you never know when life could just be taken, you don't know when God has his plan for you....
I'm so ready for change it's crazy. Summer has just begun and the fun is already on an up swing! God has put amazing people in my life here lately and I'm more than blessed for all of them!
I'm so ready for change it's crazy. Summer has just begun and the fun is already on an up swing! God has put amazing people in my life here lately and I'm more than blessed for all of them!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Long time coming
It has been forever since I have done some writing...so while at work today I'm going to be doing some in and out blogging....*WARNING now it's free off the top of my head thoughts that may just not make sense at all! LOL*
As I sit back and think of everything that has happened within these last few years of my life all I can say is I'm blessed. I may not have the most money, the best car, the designer clothes...but I have life and that is all that matters. At the break of the day I'm thankful the man above for giving me the air in my lungs and the ground beneath my feet to run on and make a future with.
This past week so much happened, there was so much excitement filled with happiness...my best friend got married, and it was a blast! As the personal attendant it was my ultimate job to take care of the bride! Which if any of you knew me you know how much I love taking care of people :) After all the wedding festivities (and three days of drinking) I survived and the wedding was gorgeous! I did realize that some people will never change. People make mistakes, some people learn from them, own the fact that they made them and move on. However there will always be the people who deny the fact of anything...Sad, but living in denial will get you no place. What is the saying...Denile is not just a river in Egypt.
I've made mistakes, big ones, and there is no living without regret, because regardless of it is buying the biggest cheeseburger and eating the whole thing with a big greasey basket of fries to something huge, we all regret the mistakes we feel we have made. I have made some whoppers of mistakes for sure. I can't take them back but I'm sure working on learning from them. Growing up is never fun, but the ride that we get to take on this long path certainly is.
As I sit back and think of everything that has happened within these last few years of my life all I can say is I'm blessed. I may not have the most money, the best car, the designer clothes...but I have life and that is all that matters. At the break of the day I'm thankful the man above for giving me the air in my lungs and the ground beneath my feet to run on and make a future with.
This past week so much happened, there was so much excitement filled with happiness...my best friend got married, and it was a blast! As the personal attendant it was my ultimate job to take care of the bride! Which if any of you knew me you know how much I love taking care of people :) After all the wedding festivities (and three days of drinking) I survived and the wedding was gorgeous! I did realize that some people will never change. People make mistakes, some people learn from them, own the fact that they made them and move on. However there will always be the people who deny the fact of anything...Sad, but living in denial will get you no place. What is the saying...Denile is not just a river in Egypt.
I've made mistakes, big ones, and there is no living without regret, because regardless of it is buying the biggest cheeseburger and eating the whole thing with a big greasey basket of fries to something huge, we all regret the mistakes we feel we have made. I have made some whoppers of mistakes for sure. I can't take them back but I'm sure working on learning from them. Growing up is never fun, but the ride that we get to take on this long path certainly is.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Maybe it does matter...
"30 years from now, it won't matter what jeans you wore, how popular you were, what your hair looked like, or what sneakers you wore. What will matter is what you made of your education, and where it took you in life."
Surprisingly as much as it seems that we are just trying to front that the comments and the way you look wouldn't matter to everyone, we do let the little things phase us. It was recently brought to my attnetion that a skirt I wear may be a little too shirt, that the high heels that I walk around in are a little to high and the "cat-eye" like make up that I do is a little disturbing. I never thought that it would phase me as much as it did. Honestly I wanted to wear my shortest skirt and do my make up even better than the last time, and the heels well I'm short and they can get over the fact that I look good. As Erin Brokivich says, "As long as I have 2 asses instead of one, I'll wear whatever I want to" These women, mid 30 and 40 year old females, have decided that making a mockery is what they will do at their weekend jewelry parties. Pretty sad that you have nothing to do but sit around and talk about someone you feel threatened by. I will never understand but for now...F off I will wear what I look good in, and for now that is probably everything you can't wear!
Surprisingly as much as it seems that we are just trying to front that the comments and the way you look wouldn't matter to everyone, we do let the little things phase us. It was recently brought to my attnetion that a skirt I wear may be a little too shirt, that the high heels that I walk around in are a little to high and the "cat-eye" like make up that I do is a little disturbing. I never thought that it would phase me as much as it did. Honestly I wanted to wear my shortest skirt and do my make up even better than the last time, and the heels well I'm short and they can get over the fact that I look good. As Erin Brokivich says, "As long as I have 2 asses instead of one, I'll wear whatever I want to" These women, mid 30 and 40 year old females, have decided that making a mockery is what they will do at their weekend jewelry parties. Pretty sad that you have nothing to do but sit around and talk about someone you feel threatened by. I will never understand but for now...F off I will wear what I look good in, and for now that is probably everything you can't wear!
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