Through many life experiences we are supposed to learn, grow and change for the better. We however sometimes tend to judge and hold back and fear taking a risk that we will never know if it was worth taking. Holding our past against our futures pretending that we are ok instead on the inside all we think about is fear. We are scared, sometimes afraid to admit it, but we are. As a female I know that I am terrified sometimes. Afraid to take a risk, show who I really am and be who I am because of the torturous fear that we are being judged for someone we are not. Now speaking for the females in this day and age we at times feel as though we are being used, only there for the game of fun. Being taken advantage of and to the full extent we feel as though this internal feeling of acceptance is acknowledged as positive attention when in all reality it is just a false sense of happiness. We have become so accustomed to the lack of respect we have lost respect for ourselves, letting these actions be ok. And whose fault does it turn out to be? We quickly judge the male party. We automatically believe that this was there fault that they made us feel that way. However to partially stand up for the ..male population it isn't their entire fault. We, unbeknownst to a lot of individuals were graced with right to choose, the right to have self control and stand up for what we don't want. However some of us don't realize that the negative decisions that we have made are slowly tearing us apart internally. We start to barricade ourselves against the next male that comes in our path that may give us that false sense again, but what is that proving. Holding our own mistakes for blame against a different guy and letting him catch the guilt for our own actions and using those basis for the next male that comes in our path. I, just as many of us know what it is like to be hurt, cheated on, manipulated and used. It is hard to go out meet a few people and not expect that they only see you as that one night thing that will only satisfy their sexual desires. We put ourselves in situations that only lead us to believe that we are different then the last, that we can change him and make him a better guy. We try and hope to believe that we are not that girl. After so many times of such mistreatment and being taken advantage of you would think we'd stand up, but we don't. we fall down again and again, falling for the same thing, we then become so afraid to even try and stand up because it is to hard to get back up after being pushed down so many times. We think we've learned our lessons, but sometimes we only choose to follow in our old steps instead of creating new ones. Following in those that have made the same mistakes and learning from them instead of learning for ourselves. We let the little things in life push us so far down, we don't get up, we let go our structure and being to believe that the pieces won't go back together. Our goal should be to learn from your past so that doesn't shape your future. Let the mistakes shape you to be a stronger person that will grow and learn.
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