Time has come?!

Well I can't believe it but I am in the final day before the big show!!! I can't believe it is already here! For some reason I've been very emotional this week, more than normal ;). But I have such mixed feelings.  It feels like anxiety and fear all in one big pit in my stomach. Part of the feeling is that I've worked so hard and it is going to go by so fast I want live in every moment tomorrow.

Luckily it won't be over for too long, because starting back Monday I will be back on the plans to continue my training because I will be competing again, and soon!!!

The last couple of weeks before a competition are no joke, I will not lie! Train hard, work hard, and pushing limits are all things I've heard over the last few weeks.  I had a lot of anxiety starting in my final two weeks, just fear built up and feeling like I haven't had enough time.  I put a lot of pressure on myself which doesn't help, and I'm learning to let go and just breathe. Something I'm usually not good at.

I made a decision last week, that was probably one of the best decisions I've made in a long time.  I had been stressing about my full time accelerated school program and my full time job, part time job and the full time training that I've been putting myself through. I decided that I was spreading myself way too thin and something had to give.  I was in tears almost every night just sick with anxiety and worry and knew it was time to make the decision to let something go.  My last day at Life Time was this past Saturday, and while I'm thankful because I will still be working out there and seeing everyone, it was a hard but great decision.  That same day I decided on my schedule for school with all of my classes planned out until graduation May 2014!! I will be a Baker Graduate?! No way!! With these decisions, I definitely felt a lot of pressure leaving which was great, because I was really able to focus this last week on kicking butt in the gym for my last set of workouts!

I've looked back at the progress I've made and I'm so happy and thankful for the amazing results!! You never realize how good you can feel until you can reach certain goals.  The best part about competing is I can always set a goal, things change so much in your body and perfection will never be achieved but certain goals will be.

With a very busy day ahead, I'm off to pose, check in, 1st set of tan, make some goodies for the other competitors  and competitor check ins - I'm sure today will go by fast! Tomorrow will be here before I know it and I will be stepping on stage for the first time! Ready to kill!!

Big shout outs to my biggest supporters an those who have kept me sane!! Love you all, thanks for being there through the meltdowns, helping me resist the extra almonds, or just being there!! Don't worry I'll post some pics soon!

Fortitude

Well I'm a little under three weeks out and guess what, just like all the previous weeks, I still feel great! The title of my blog post today, seemed fitting. I have contemplated getting another tattoo for a few years now and I could never pinpoint what I wanted. The other day after a few searches on the word strength and looking up synonyms for that, I came across the word, "Fortitude." I was instantly drawn to this word. I looked up the definition and it couldn't fit any more better with everything. The definition is, "strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage." Soooo my plans for some new ink will be right around beginning of May and I'm super excited!!!

So for the last few weeks I've been really kicking it into gear as far as practicing on my posing! It isn't as easy as everyone thinks! And then on top of that you have to remember you're going to be half naked on stage!? Luckily with the help of an amazing coach I've gotten some great tips and tricks.

I got my new workouts beginning of April for the every week until the competition! I'm so excited, and again with the best coach, it changes EVERY WEEK! Talk about no boredom!! I was a little nervous at first, knowing that my cardio was going back to two a days with weights at night, kind of how it was in the beginning stages. But then I remember that I have changed so much in 8 weeks and I have gotten so much stronger, so I know I will be able to kick butt in these last few weeks of workouts!

We started a new diet plan for our three weeks out today and I have to say I'm going to miss the morning pancake!!!! I loved loved loved the pancakes that we had in the morning the last few weeks, but look forward to eating them after the competition!!

I'm almost at the last leg of the journey it seems and at the same time sometimes I feel as though I've just begun.  I've had a few more mental breakdowns within the last few weeks. Mainly because I know I can do it and my competition with myself seems to push me more than anything.  I have snapped a few times, and sometimes just want to break down and cry, mostly because a sense of overwhelming fear comes over me, but it soon subsides!

I think the hardest part now has become the cravings that I have had. I want to swim in a vat of pink icing, and eat an entire jar of peanut butter with oreos!! :) YUM. It is also very mentally challenging hearing about food or constantly having people talk about food. It is amazing to me that something as little as a meal or food could mentally break you down so much! It is really strange that the little foods that you never think about when you're not dieting, you can't stop thinking about when you are! For example a PB&J I would die for one right now!! Or a piece of cheese!!


I have had a few people ask me some questions, so I'll just post here:
1) What am I looking forward to eating after the show?
I'll make a simple list although it probably could go on forever:
- 5 Guys Cheeseburger
- Birthday Cake Oreos (I'm not a fan of oreos, but since I saw them posted I want one real bad!!!)
- Cupcake
- Gardettos
-A Glass of wine!!!
That's a simple list, for now I'll stick to googling and "pinning" yummy food!!


I haven't made a full commitment yet, but there is a competition about 5 weeks after my show that I'm strongly considering. Muscle Mayhem is June 1st at the Overland Park Convention Center. It is a larger stage in a much larger venue. I figure I'll only be about 5 weeks away from that once I do mine, what is 5 more weeks?! It will definitely be a decision I'll weigh on after I compete this time! This has been a huge time and money investment and I'm so glad that I've chosen to invest in myself and make the choices that I have made on this journey! Now just to keep on pushing on these last few weeks!!!

Half way there!!!

So actually the title of this blog is a little false because I'm less than half way there! 5 weeks out tomorrow!! Time is flying!! I have to say just like always I am having a blast!! I'm truly lucky and blessed for the amazing support!!!

This past week I have really had more anxiety and nerves. I am more nervous, because it is getting closer and I'm anxious!! I'm so ready to show off all my hard work, but know that I have more hard work in the next few weeks to keep me going!!

I feel like I am almost in the home stretch and no complaints. Each week we check in with our coaches, and it is one of the best feelings seeing the results each week. Thankfully since we decided to go through Twin Fitness, we get an updated plan with workouts and meals each month. I have to say that I'm pretty spoiled with all of the amazing food and diet that we are on. I would definitely say the variety has kept things so much easier and the food is AMAZING...which I think I say every week!
This is a picture of our meal prep! Turkey meatballs are the best as well as the chicken sweet potato burgers!! One thing I learned quickly that planning is key and important!! I started bagging all of our individual meals and then recently learned that I could make it even more simple and bag the whole day in a larger gallon bag!! It takes me a few minutes to rush out of the door in the morning, just throwing the big bag in my cooler and heading to work!!

Follow me for some awesome pictures of food and my life journey through the eye of the camera! www.instagram.com/jasianbaby

Sometimes I do feel mental challenges with the food. I've had the worst cravings for icing and peanut butter. More than anything sweets! Which is surprising because I've never been one to have a sweet tooth! I think one of the hardest things is that it has been so easy. Sounds weird I know, but because we do have an awesome diet and meal plan I feel like it isn't hard, and from the things I had read before doing a competition, it was the hardest part. I don't think so at all and maybe that is because we have always eaten pretty healthy!

Andrew and I filled out and sent in our registration this week! He will be doing open physique and I will be doing open and novice bikini. I am getting more and more excited each day! I look at suits and pictures almost everyday, it is pretty much on the brain at all times, kicking butt and taking charge!! I can't wait to do the glamorous part, the nails, the hair and the make up!! Plus strutting my stuff on stage!! YES!! I'm not one to have stage fright, but I'm sure closer and closer it will definitely be HUGE!

I finally have gotten enough courage to post a progress picture, it is nowhere near where I want to be, but I have to say that the hard work is definitely showing! This is from Week 1 and from this week so week 6! 6 weeks left! I'm definitely working on the posing more and more as well! They say to practice every week, and I'm definitely trying to get in as much as possible! Who knew it was going to be so much work! It is definitely crazy looking back at 6 weeks ago to see how far I've come already!

Never giving up on my dreams and always looking forward! I've had to learn recently that there are some times where the challenges will get to you, where you have to learn to step away from the negativity. Sometimes it can definitely deter your mindset and bring you down further. Thankfully through the support of the other ladies through Twin as well as the amazing boyfriend, I'm still standing and not a lot is going to knock me down! I've come to far to ever look backward! 

I'm start doing weekly body fat measurements with my coach starting this week until the show as well! I can't wait to see how things progress! Until next week :) 

Monkeys Eat too!

Less than 50 days....I can't believe that time is flying so fast and it is already March! A few weeks ago I attended a stage prep course that was SO important and helpful. I learned about posing and stage presence, which I thought I already had some of it down, but I was definitely wrong!! Pour on the sass and add in the sexy and don't forget to arch that back!! Oh and don't forget to smile!! Just a few things to remember for competition ;).

So the last few weeks have been nothing but difficult, not because of the training or because of the diet, but mostly because of the support, or the lack there of. I am truly thankful and blessed for the amazing positive support that I have received however! I've been blown away by the amazing people that have entered my life since I chose this big change.

There have been the minor bumps in the road with the amount of negativity that seems to have come into the picture. One of my biggest annoyances has been, "Can I have a bite of that?" No you can't have a bite you can bring your own damn lunch though!!! The other comments have been much more rude or condescending. Like what is the point or God you're packing a lot of protein in that big cooler of yours. You're getting disgusting skinny you look like you have an eating disorder...I would love to smack these people in their face, but I'm rising above. My so far favorite *insert sarcasm here* thing is when acquaintances, not friends, pull on my clothes. HOW RUDE!!!! I guess it is a form of flattery, but way to overstep the personal space!

I think one of the hardest things I've had to overcome is having people stare at me while I'm eating. Apparently I didn't get the memo that I was behind plate glass cages like a monkey. I'm eating, and guess what it is normal food! *Newsflash!* my food is NORMAL, I grocery shop at a regular store just like you!

Okay Rant over!!! So far I'm going to say that I am LOVING this!!! Everyday is a challenge and I love it! I have had the best time and the meals I am eating are amazing!! The food is the best part and everyone thinks that competition dieting is the worst part! The food we get to eat is so amazing it seriously is the best fuel for my body! Andrew even has been the best about trying the new food recipes and even some fruit ;)!!! My favorites so far have been the meatballs, which are AMAZING!! I love the pancakes, yes I said PANCAKES on a competition diet?!

There have been some minor challenges that I have not mentally been ready for, but thankfully with the support that I do have they are just that, minor! I will say that this is definitely something that is more mentally challenging than anything. Doing this for me is what my intentions are. This is meant to be fun and it is! I heard something from a good friend that is a competitor, that no matter what at the end of a competition, where you place, it doesn't matter, because you have already personally won. You've challenged yourself and conquered any fears and that in itself is ultimately winning.

I've had the best time so far and even through the challenges, no said it would be easy, but they did say it would be worth it!

Nine Weeks Out, but who's counting!!!

As many of you who follow my Instagram or Facebook have probably learned by now, I'm going to be competing in a Bikini Fitness Competition!! I'm very excited, and very nervous all at the same time, but mentally I am ready! 

I have many friends who have competed in many different competitions nationwide, and I never thought I could or wanted to get my feet wet in that sort of thing. For many reasons, I was too nervous, I never thought I could do it, I didn't think I had enough self control for the strict diet, but recently something just clicked! It became something that I couldn't stop thinking about! 

Now many of you probably don't know the difference between all the different shows and I'm sure all of you think you just parade around in the skimpiest swimwear and stripper heels, but there are some big differences! I have chosen to do the bikini category. I don't think I could ever do the figure category because I would rather have a softer look in muscle size and definition!! 

I have learned so much since the beginning of the year and literally every day I look at contest information, suits, shoes, girls, workouts, diets....Everything!!!

The first thing I had heard I needed to do was to set a date! That helps keep your motivation high and also helps you set your eyes on a goal!! I chose a smaller show that is local here in Kansas City, April 27th. http://www.kcbodybuildingonline.com/index.html is the link for the show and information!! 

The next thing I needed to do was to figure out what to do! There is so much that goes into the preparation for something like this and I was like a lost little puppy in this world! Thankfully I do have a great resource of information, a boyfriend who is an awesome personal trainer, that could help me with some of my workouts, but I knew that since nutrition is 80% of it I would need to seek out more help!

Throughout the starting phases of this journey, Andrew, decided and also motivated me, to do the show! So not only do I get lucky enough to get the support throughout the journey, I also get to share the experience with him as well! 

So we decided since we were both rookies to this sport, that we needed to find someone who could help us excel in it and give us some guidance! We luckily both know some awesome people who have competed that were able to help us! Through the help of a trainer who Andrew used to work with, we got signed up with Twin Fitness, where she now works, to help us get started.

So far I'm two check-ins into the process and I feel great! I have the best coaches through Elite Coaching Twin Fitness, who are there anytime we need anything! They have sent monthly workouts and meal plans with some amazing recipes! Not just the dried out chicken and broccoli :) Andrew is even enjoying the food! 

I'm very lucky and blessed that I have amazing support through this process, with the number of girls that I am friends with or have met along this journey I love the positive energy that I have received!! It is definitely a blessing to have the support from all of my friends, because this is something that can be very mentally overwhelming! I have experienced a few meltdowns already and I'm sure I'll probably experience a few more along the road, just a little bump to deter me from my ultimate goal, but not to stop me from getting there! Until next time.... Eventually I'll get more confidence and post some progress pics too! 

My stork has a Jet Engine?!

I was a baby, just shy of 5 months old when I first landed in America to two loving parents who were ready to care for their newest addition.  There are many stories that my parents and family have told me about the first time they met their bundle of joy.  I always joke that a really big stork did end up dropping me off.  My family, including many aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins, opened their hearts and were ready for my parent’s journey of caring for this new little girl.  Growing up I never will forget the long summers spent with my cousins at grandma’s house.  Never being treated any different, I was special to each of them, not because I was adopted but because I was a part of the family.   

It was about first grade when I started to become educated on being adopted.  My parents never kept it a secret from me, and the journey I've been on along the way I have learned so much about my culture.  My parents gave me opportunity something that I’m unsure if I would have had in Korea.  Especially with the stories I've heard, back then babies were abandoned at hospitals on steps of police stations, with no safety at all.

There were many times that I felt different or not normal, but growing through that I've realized so much that being different is “normal” and I’m okay with it.  It is a part of growing up that many children face. Sure my skin is a different color and the squint to my eyes may not be average, but it makes me who I am, and my family looked past any of that and loved me regardless. 

There are many things that I've looked back over the course of my life that I realize that I would not have been able to have if I were not blessed by being adopted; the smallest things like food, clothes, and what some call the American Dream, “Freedom,” things that many of us here in America don’t realize and may take for granted.  I was lucky enough that someone wanted me, that a family wanted me. I wasn't going to die early from malnutrition or not have the proper education that I needed. 

In September 2011, the United States District Court for the District of Kansas celebrated its 150^th anniversary.  I had been contacted by an archivist with the District Court because they were going to be putting together a program, a permanent piece of history in the Downtown Kansas City Courthouse.  I was asked several questions for their video, and I remember the lady that was being interviewed before me, the question that rang through and has stuck with me; what is your American Dream?  Her answer struck me, because it was something so simple; Freedom. I have been asked that question and I’m sure many of us in America don’t even realize that something as simple as that could be someone’s dream, because we have been lucky.  I never thought about an answer to that question, my dream growing up wasn’t whether I would survive or have freedom; my dream was having the nice car, the big house, a family, and success.  This was so materialistic in comparison.  It really opened my eyes, I wasn’t just lucky, I was blessed because I had parents who wanted me and chose me.  

My goals here are different then what they may have been in Korea.  I have been able to go to school and further my education, I have been able to work at a job where I can show my compassion and my love and pass along my gifts to others.  It is amazing the small things that we, me included take for granted at times.  Without the choice of adoption, I would not be here and that is a fact.  I wouldn’t have the right to choose, I wouldn’t have felt love the way I have today, I would not be the person I am today and for that I am thankful.  

I've contemplated in the last year finding my birth parents, and I know the road will be a long one with many twists and turns but sometimes you can never figure out where you are going unless you know where you are from.  I have always wondered looking up at the sky at night, does she think of me, or wonder how I am doing? My biggest fear is if she even remembers me. With the support of my loved ones, I know it will be a great reward and worth the risk!

The journey of imperfection

I've never been the athletic girl, one who played sports, one who was confident to even try out.  Working out was something I knew nothing about, especially since I had never had the courage to even step foot in a gym.  By the time I was 20 I was living in Lawrence, where like every college town, nightly binges of eating and drinking were normal.  The late night runs to Taco Bell and Pizza with the side of trays of shots, would finally catch up to me.  Education on diet and exercise was never something I was up to par with either.  I never considered myself someone who had an issue with weight, however there were many times on occasion where I found I was an emotional eater and found ways to "rid" my body of the high caloric intakes I had put my body through.


After I moved out of Lawrence, I realized that my lifestyle needed a change and a big one at that.  


I started running, although I would get winded after a quick jog down the block, I had to push myself.  I finally went to a gym, still with not very much knowledge of what I was doing, I was determined.  I started learning exercises as best that I could. Learning that lifting weights were part of something that I would need to do to lean out my body as well as help with getting me on track.


I had a few set backs though one in particular triggered an emotional eating phase. With lots of emotional drinking as well, it was easier to drink away any pain and find some comfort in food.  I had reached a breaking point, I remember that morning I stepped on the scale and the number I saw was the motivation I needed to push through this phase in my life.  A week later I decided to get back in the flow of working out by joining a new gym maybe this was the motivation I needed even more.  I started getting a routine, work out in the morning, maybe some at night, but it wasn't enough.  Working out was only part of it, and I soon realized after I was hitting plateaus of weight and energy losses.  I had to work on my diet.  Although with  the food struggles I had before I knew this was going to be a bigger challenge.  


Within the last year I feel like I started coming into the real knowledge of food, diet and exercise.  Learning so much about my body's needs for energy and using that energy as a guide for my exercise.  I started taking classes at my gym which was a great feeling, meeting people who have the same goals as myself and desires to maintain a healthy life is always so positive.  I have my bad days, where I still struggle with food and my desires for certain cravings, it is still a battle within myself and with the choices I know I can make that are unhealthy.  I know that my frustrations show sometimes and that only fuels the fire within me.   


With a love for running however, the fire drove me to sign up for my first 5k.  Although running on the treadmill is what I had done for fun, I decided to take it to the streets and run outside, and what better way to start out then a fun run.  Next weekend, I will make a very exciting trip to Chicago with my best friend where we will run in the Color Run! Very exciting for both of us, I can not wait! This run, just one of many that I can't wait to continue to do....possibly a half marathon next, add it to bucket list! :)

The change that I wanted in the beginning was more of a physical change but I've realized it has been a mental change as well.  With exercise I realized the positive mentality on my mindset and how it made me feel afterward.   I still go to the gym on a very regular basis. I love going to the classes, especially one of my favorites, Strike! The diet, a word I don't really like, isn't a diet at all, it is a choice of eating healthy that I strive to keep steady with a few cheats here and there. I'm blessed with a great boyfriend who helps keep my motivation high, even lets me cheat with some Starbucks here and there ;)! I'm thankful for the great friends who instead of persuading me into guilty pleasures and cravings are also there to motivate and keep the positive energy flowing. I know that loving myself is an ultimate goal, realizing that flaws aren't physical imperfections but beauty of being different.